


My All

by cadkitten



Category: Versailles (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-09
Updated: 2009-08-09
Packaged: 2017-12-04 01:39:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/705015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was my lover, my heart, my soul, and my all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My All

**Author's Note:**

> My way of dealing with the loss. If you don't like it, don't read it.  
> Beta Readers: kawaiikyo, elyachan  
> Song[s]: Songs by Versailles -Philharmonic Quintet-

Somehow it was those last moments that hurt me the most, that pulled the strings of my heart and forced the tears from my eyes. The way he looked up at me from the hospital bed, his eyes full of tears and a gentle smile on his face. It was kind of angelic, the way his auburn hair framed him, making the sight of his pale face almost holy. But then, he always was an angel. In every way, he was perfect... perfect for me.

He'd been sick for long enough that I had taken to sitting beside his bed, praying for him to get better, folding crane after crane in hopes that he'd be on the mend. And yet, it all took a turn for the worse. Day after day his condition worsened and I could feel it draining the life from him even as I held his hand so tightly in my own. I was losing him and I was powerless to stop it.

When the time came, it forced its way inside him with a startling accuracy. It was so fast, only minutes. Just enough time for him to know it was coming. It was thankfully painless in those last few minutes. We shared them in silence, tears rolling down my cheeks and his hand clutching mine tighter than he had all week as he smiled up at me. When he closed his eyes and leaned toward me one last time, I knew it was over. I knew from the bottom of my heart that I'd lost the only man I would ever love. And when he was gone, I left. I just stood up and left the room, leaving nothing but a shell behind me.

Three days. It's been three full days since then and now I'm standing here, the only one not dressed in black as we gather for the wake. It's the way he'd want me to be. I do it for him, for his memory and for the spirit I can still feel deep inside my heart. Everything is done according to tradition and I follow it in a mind-numbing manner, the way most everyone else in the room is doing. There are a few that are less affected than me, but not many. Hours pass and I finally make my way to leave.

A hand comes to rest on my shoulder and when I turn, I find that it's his mother. Her eyes are red from crying, face set in a manner clearly telling of her grief. I just watch her, unsure of what more to say than I already have. My condolences have been given, over and over, and it's all I can do not to tell the world of what we had, to beg them to see what pain I'm in. But that's how we were... no one knew. I loved him and he loved me, but that was as far as it went.

"Yuki... right?" Her voice wavers in that way it tends to do just before you cry.

I nod just the slightest. "Yes."

She takes a deep breath and then breaks general custom, pulling me into her arms and holding me tight. One shaking hand comes up to pet at my hair, the touch soothing and achingly sad at the same time. I can feel myself tense in an attempt not to start crying all over again. My breath catches and I just wait on her to be done, my own hand on the small of her back, offering support in return.

It takes her a moment, but then she speaks again, her voice low enough that only we can hear it. "He told me once... of what you two had, the love you shared. I want you to know, I always approved." Her hand moves to my cheek and she leans back to look up into my eyes. "You always have a home here if you need it."

I can't find the words to express myself to her. They're all jumbled up and stuck in my throat and I find myself just nodding as the tears start to cascade down my cheeks once more. She presses a handkerchief into my grasp and then turns away, heading back inside. I watch her go with a mixture of feelings. I'd never told my own parents... and yet, he'd told his own. He had shared what I could not.

My arms wrapped around my middle, I walk to the gate and let myself out, finding my car and leaving behind the pain of being around anyone else. Before I can even figure out where I am going, I find myself sitting in my car just outside my own parents' house. I'm not sure why I feel the need to do this now, but I suppose it's better late than never. At least I can let him rest knowing that I cared enough to speak the truth.

Once I'm inside, I just stand there in the entryway with my mother and father, tears in my eyes and an immense pain in my soul. "I know you both are aware that one of my bandmates died... Jasmine You." A brief nod comes from them both and I just follow with more words, not hesitating for fear that if I do, I won't be able to continue. "He... he wasn't just my bandmate. He was my lover, my heart, my soul, and my all." The look on my father's face is one I turn away from, choosing not to remember. But the way my mother looks like she's crumbling to pieces, the tears in her eyes and the way she pulls me close to her, tells me that even here, I'm not alone. I may have disappointed my father, but my mother will stand by me and keep me close.

Hours later, I find myself in bed in my own home, my hand pressed against the cold sheets where so many nights I'd slip off to sleep with Jasmine You's warmth next to me. No more... never again. And for the first night in many, many years, I cry myself to sleep and dream of better times, of days when he was still by my side.

**The End**  



End file.
